Dating is a jungle filled with both danger and opportunity and it isn’t easy telling which is which. Knowing the specific dangers is key, because blanket judgments like “all men are cheaters” may protect you, but it will also block you from the opportunity of a wonderful relationship.
After the essential ability to say no, being able to identify and defend your self from the bad actors out there is the next critical skill single women need. So whether you are a rookie or a veteran, this guide to the three most dangerous types of men in the dating jungle will help you to safely navigate these treacherous waters to the harbor of true love.
So dangerous and alluring, yet hard to catch and even harder to keep. We all know them when we see them, but they still attract women in like moths to a flame. You could write a book on why bad boys are so seductive[link to bad boy article], but you can not avoid be attracted; you can only resist their charms.
Remember, we call them BAD for a reason; they sneer at danger and arrogantly assume the rules don’t apply to them. While they may not end up in prison, they thrive on breaking rules like with monogamy. Plus the risk taking eventually catches with them like Brad Pitt’s character in A River Runs Through It.
However, the more serious problem is with the BOY part of their name. Namely they are still little boys that are allergic to hard work and responsibility. Even if they commit to a long-term relationship, they can’t give up partying and playing enough to make a relationship work or take care of a family.
Your defense: The trick is to see them as the little fish that stole your bait but isn’t big enough to keep. You may be excite because you caught such a pretty little fish, but you just have throw them back because they can only grow up in the ocean, not in the fish tank. Remind yourself that you are just saying no for now and that one day you may catch them again when they are big enough to keep.
Players: Player are differnt from bad boys because they use deception to seduce women, rather than waving their red flags like a cape before a bull. Players are actually sexual con artists and the key to their game is their ability to skillfully lie. While they are usually well dressed, smooth and confident, they can actually present in a variety of different ways based on the con they are running. Their cons run the gamit from fake injuries to elaborate stories about fabulous trips they have never taken and are far too numerous to describe here.
Your defense: The bad news is that research shows it takes a liar to spot a liar so trying to see through the con is unrealistic. The good news is that players are looking for low hanging fruit and want to close the deal quickly. If you slow things down and try to get to know them, they will move on to easier pickings since it is just a matter of time before you see through the con. In the rare cases that a player doesn’t move on quickly, insist on meeting their female friends. Players often don’t have any and if they do, you will either get a bad vibe from them or they will tip you off to the player’s game.
However, the most dangerous con a player can run is the one where he claims he has changed and wants a long-term relationship. He may really want a long-term relationship, but always remember that chronic lying is highly addicting and takes at least five years of sobriety to begin to recover, just like any other addiction.
Macks: If you have heard the term before you may have mistakenly assumed it was another name for a player or bad boy, but macks are different and far more dangerous. Part of the reason why they are so dangerous is because they can be great partners, husbands and fathers if they decide to be in a relationship. The problem is they can spend years or even decades playing the field with their revolving harem of women before they decide to commit, kind of like George Clooney who recently got engaged.
Macks are cool and fun like bad boys, but they take their careers seriously and are highly successful. They are also smooth and confident like players, but they never stoop to deception to seduce a woman. Instead, his game is built around generating so much attraction in a woman that she surrenders and accepts being in his harem just to be around him.
Your defense: Thankfully, macks are rare and don't try to hide their game, but you have to accept that you are the rule and not the exception. Go read He’s Just Not That Into You over and over again until it is burned into your brain. Always remember that until a mack is ready to commit there is nothing you can do to catch him.
Furthermore, the only reason a mack will put a ring on it is if he becomes utterly bored with the game like Ryan Gosling’s character in Crazy, Stupid, Love. Even then, you still have to respect yourself enough to immediately walk away like Emma Stone was if he ever starts to waver or change his mind.
Now before you get discouraged and decide to become a nun, recognize that these bad actors are only about 10% of the single men out there. That’s only one in ten, which leaves plenty of good men to fall in love with as long as you throw the little ones back, slow it down and respect yourself enough to walk away immediately.
Sign up for my newsletter for more free dating tips.
We feel guilty for saying no. We get ostracized and challenged for saying no, so we forget it's our choice.
One of the most common challenges my dating clients face is with saying no, from declining requests for first or second dates, to invitations from friends or family to ending relationships. For some of my clients, the challenge with saying no is so significant that they avoid saying yes – even to coffee dates – because they may have to say no later. More...
Do you keep meeting one lemon after another and hit every red light on the dating highway? Would you like to get right with the Universe and turn those lemons into oranges and red lights into green lights? Maybe you’ve tried sand painting and the fire ceremony, but still want to kick it up a notch?
When indigenous healers along the Andean mountains in South America need to clear a lot of bad juju, they use a type of offering called a despacho. There are despachos for everything from healing illness to growing good crops, but you need a Love Despacho. More...